1. |
If There's A Hell
03:40
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I think I'm asked by someone almost every day,
whether being into me makes them gay.
And all of you looking to experiment
should invest in a chemistry set.
Because that's all you're gonna get.
If there's a Hell I bet it's
probably like internet dating.
As if I don't have enough ways
to get public degrading.
A perfect mix of banality
and DL straight dudes telling me
that I'm so pretty I look almost cis.
I have seen so many dicks unexpectedly,
they're missing the wood for the trees.
And to be honest, I think I've become immune.
You all blew your wad too soon.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
If there's a Hell I bet it's
probably like internet dating.
As if I don't have enough ways
to get public degrading.
A perfect mix of banality
and DL straight dudes telling me
that I'm so pretty I look almost cis.
I wish that I could pay my rent
with bullshit affirmation.
And maybe I should be ashamed,
but I get some validation.
I guess that I think it's unfair
how the people into me
are the ones so obsessed with
their Masculinity.
Sometimes I sit and think about the worst part,
how it's these fuckers who are in charge.
I guess that shows how we have a fucked society,
when they're the ones embarrassed of me.
That's the way it goes it seems.
If there's a Hell I bet it's
probably like internet dating.
As if I don't have enough ways
to get public degrading.
A perfect mix of banality
and DL straight dudes telling me
that I'm so pretty I look almost cis.
If there's a Hell I bet it's
probably like internet dating.
I'm always left wondering
what is it that keeps me staying?
A perfect mix of banality
and DL straight dudes telling me
that I'm so pretty I look almost cis.
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2. |
Dissociatrix
03:24
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I didn't feel anything the day my father died.
We formed receiving lines,
ranks and files.
A funerary militia
that marched to the cemetery,
to bury him with the rain.
And I felt nothing.
I didn't feel anything when they fought with me.
The hand that bites the dog that bites the hand of
self harm.
Maybe it was the weakness of the attempt,
or the fact that I spent the night consoling them.
But I felt nothing.
I didn't feel anything with a gun to my head,
my life didn't flash before my eyes.
A drive through theater, punctuated by
blows to the head I didn't sense.
I went inside, tended to the wounds
I didn't know I had.
And I felt nothing.
I guess they say
in times of stress
you find out who
you really
aren't.
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3. |
Career Opportunities
03:03
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Google that shit, man.
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4. |
Runaway Blues
03:40
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I've tried to make it work before,
thinking a new scenery would bring about
a new me.
And what I found is that the
only thing you can't outrun
are neuroses and setting suns.
I've got those runaway blues
and I wish I could promise you
I'd still be here tomorrow
but I'm not sure that I'll last.
I wish that I could say
that everything will be ok
but I'm through telling lies that never
served me in the past.
And I can't tell
because the life that I'm living
feels a lot like I'm tail-spinning.
What does it mean when the
rock bottom feels no different
than the false epiphanies I'm given.
I've got those runaway blues
and I wish I could promise you
I'd still be here tomorrow
but I don't know that I'll last.
I wish that I could say
that I am gonna be ok
but I'm through telling lies that never
served me in the past.
I give I give I give I give
I give I give I give I give
up
up.
I think I fall in love too fast,
can't stop having dreams
that seem at home on movie screens.
I guess the damage runs its course,
when happiness seems close at hand,
I leave it for a distant land.
I've got those runaway blues
and I wish I could promise you
I'd still be here tomorrow
but I'm not sure that I'll last.
I wish that I could say
that everything will be ok
but I'm through telling lies that never
served me in the past.
I've got those runaway blues
and I wish I could promise you
I'd still be here tomorrow
but I don't know that I'll last.
I wish that I could say
that I am gonna be ok
but I'm through telling lies that never
served me in the past.
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5. |
Dysphoric Times
02:33
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Trying to find
a way to live with myself.
How much change can you want
before you're wishing to be someone else?
Living in certain uncertainty,
this can't be me.
No belonging or community,
this can't be me.
Giving birth to my rage,
in these dysphoric times,
searching for light in instability,
my rage will give rebirth to me.
And every hour
is just more wasted time.
But it's hard to see any point,
I feel like life has left me behind.
Living in certain uncertainty,
this can't be me.
What is it like to have identity?
This can't be me.
Giving birth to my rage,
in these dysphoric times,
searching for light in instability,
my rage will give rebirth to me.
My rage will give rebirth to me.
Giving birth to my rage,
in these dysphoric times,
searching for light in instability,
my rage will give rebirth to me.
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6. |
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Four different men on the street
have tried to proposition me,
and I've only been walking for a mile.
I don't think it's the kind of day
to exist outside anyway,
but I'm not sure those days are coming back.
And hopelessness is something I desperately lack.
Remember when I thought I'd be
constructive to society?
Well, here I am drifting farther and farther away.
I've tried to live my life, it seems,
with the least amount of dignity,
and so far I am doing a great job.
And to be honest, I don't know if I want to stop.
I think I've hit the watershed,
where an indulgent sense of dread
becomes a love of my life's absurdity.
I used to be afraid to fail,
but now I think i'll die in jail,
I guess therapy really worked after all.
And I'll take Tragic long before Banal.
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7. |
Burning Bright
01:59
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They say I have a death wish
and I know you have the same.
And tales of suicide are what
are what play the tragic refrain.
And I don't know
what's left to do.
I've lost hope in Revolution,
but I'm keeping hope in you.
I know we've always wanted more,
but to care for each other is an act of War.
Let's write our own love songs,
steal the notes from dirges we've had to sing.
This world doesn't want us to survive,
but I'm gonna die on my own time.
And if our lives have to be ablaze
let's make sure they're burning bright!
There are so many days I feel
I have a broken will.
But when I look into your eyes
I know it's in me still.
Fuck self harm and
Fuck routine!
There have to be more options
than a corpse or a machine.
I know we've always wanted more,
but to care for each other is an act of War.
Let's write our own love songs,
steal the notes from dirges we've had to sing.
This world doesn't want us to survive,
there are so many ways not to be alive.
And if our lives have to be ablaze
let's make sure they're burning bright!
The only thing keeping me here
is sometimes love and spite.
When those I love are threatened,
I won't go without a fight.
Breathe out,
Breathe in.
One more day their
tactics didn't win.
I know we've always wanted more,
but to care for each other is an act of War.
Let's write our own love songs,
steal the notes from dirges we've had to sing.
This world doesn't want us to survive,
but I'm gonna die on my own time.
And if our lives have to be ablaze
let's make sure they're burning bright!
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8. |
Quo Vadis?
05:02
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These Days are numbered, one by one,
from rising moon to the setting sun.
It felt so distant, but now so near,
this separation that we both have come to fear.
I'm holding on to what I can,
for the short time I still have at hand.
"Where are you going?" is what they said,
"I'm on my way to crucify myself again."
I try to keep, keep the faith,
that I'm not making one grave mistake.
Because I've made so many before,
and at this point, I'm tired of keeping score.
So when I cross that ocean blue,
I don't want to know the truth.
Lie to me, openly,
Tell me that this is where I should be.
(This could be our last time)
(This could be our goodbye)
Forgive me
for the things I have not done.
There is no country farther
than these tears can run.
Hold my hand while my
heart fills with regret.
Look into my eyes and
promise not to
forget. (goodbye)
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